Got Ants?....Get Riot Control Gear
I saw a carpenter ant in my house today. Though it was the only one I had seen this year, I was quite concerned by its presence. It was the size of a miniature Chihuahua. How a Chihuahua can be miniaturized I wasn't sure, but apparently it has been done. My first thought was to step on it, which I did. But, then I thought about the possibility of there being more than just this one. "It must have a family." I said, as I peered down at its corpse. Probably a large, extended family that would be mad about what I did.
I first Googled 'riot control' on the Internet, found nothing to help me there so, I searched 'pest control'. I was flabbergasted by the amount of information. "This is such a serious problem." I whispered so 'the family' wouldn't know what I was up to.
I decided to heed the professionals' advice. I printed what was helpful and formulated my plan, drawing schematics and highlighting the pertinent blurbs and bullets.
The first tidbit I noted: Try to determine if the ants are coming from a nest inside or outside. Then I read that this might be difficult. So, rather than make it any harder, I decided to handle this on the assumption that the nest was inside.
The professionals went on to explain that I had to find this nest and recommended careful and patient observation of hard working ants that apparently have a job. Now, having patients I could understand, the ants might not be working but on break. However, the 'careful' part puzzled me.
Reading further I saw this: To follow carpenter ants without startling them...What? I wanted to startle the bejesus out of them. I wanted to instill such fear that they pack up and leave. Well, they hadn't written how to successfully rid an ant of 'bejesus' but I did read this: In order to startle them, use a flashlight with a red film to cover the lens. The reason for the flashlight was because the workers are busiest between sunset and midnight. But why the red lens?
It appears these ants cannot see red light. I never knew that. Perhaps there are little spy ants, CIA types, from Covert Information Ants alliance where ant-to-human secrets are passed to pest control professionals. My excitement escalated so I continued to read at a 'speed-reading' pace. The odds of following workers to their nest can be greater by serving food that is attractive to the ants. A picnic, ants love picnics.
Well I had no idea what they found attractive. I'm not even sure they find other carpenter ants attractive. Now I'm supposed to cook for them.
The last thing I read was: Listen for ant sounds in the night while it is quiet. Then when you detect a place where a nest might be, tap this area, and then press an ear to the surface so you can listen for sounds.
That was it for me. I would listen 'in the quiet of night' (especially now that I had enlightened myself), but I will not place any part of my head, specifically a part with a hole in it, to any surface where a riot could break out.
I had made my decision, I will stomp on the ones I see and try to forget about the ones I don't. And if I wake up on any given morning in my basement, still in my bed, then I will call the professionals and they can stick their heads in places mine just shouldn't go.
I first Googled 'riot control' on the Internet, found nothing to help me there so, I searched 'pest control'. I was flabbergasted by the amount of information. "This is such a serious problem." I whispered so 'the family' wouldn't know what I was up to.
I decided to heed the professionals' advice. I printed what was helpful and formulated my plan, drawing schematics and highlighting the pertinent blurbs and bullets.
The first tidbit I noted: Try to determine if the ants are coming from a nest inside or outside. Then I read that this might be difficult. So, rather than make it any harder, I decided to handle this on the assumption that the nest was inside.
The professionals went on to explain that I had to find this nest and recommended careful and patient observation of hard working ants that apparently have a job. Now, having patients I could understand, the ants might not be working but on break. However, the 'careful' part puzzled me.
Reading further I saw this: To follow carpenter ants without startling them...What? I wanted to startle the bejesus out of them. I wanted to instill such fear that they pack up and leave. Well, they hadn't written how to successfully rid an ant of 'bejesus' but I did read this: In order to startle them, use a flashlight with a red film to cover the lens. The reason for the flashlight was because the workers are busiest between sunset and midnight. But why the red lens?
It appears these ants cannot see red light. I never knew that. Perhaps there are little spy ants, CIA types, from Covert Information Ants alliance where ant-to-human secrets are passed to pest control professionals. My excitement escalated so I continued to read at a 'speed-reading' pace. The odds of following workers to their nest can be greater by serving food that is attractive to the ants. A picnic, ants love picnics.
Well I had no idea what they found attractive. I'm not even sure they find other carpenter ants attractive. Now I'm supposed to cook for them.
The last thing I read was: Listen for ant sounds in the night while it is quiet. Then when you detect a place where a nest might be, tap this area, and then press an ear to the surface so you can listen for sounds.
That was it for me. I would listen 'in the quiet of night' (especially now that I had enlightened myself), but I will not place any part of my head, specifically a part with a hole in it, to any surface where a riot could break out.
I had made my decision, I will stomp on the ones I see and try to forget about the ones I don't. And if I wake up on any given morning in my basement, still in my bed, then I will call the professionals and they can stick their heads in places mine just shouldn't go.
I love to read your writing Karen. Its really showing me how to expand my writing.
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