Parenting 101 (no prerequisite?)
I had met the parenting challenge head on and was instantly knocked on my bottom, kicked, pooped on, and left for dead. But only after my son was fed, rocked, bathed, changed then bathed and changed again. I was washing bottles, "Shout"ing out formula stains on every one's clothing and desperately trying to keep up with cooking, cleaning, and being a wife. So, really, I had no time to be dead. My time was spent being exhausted, depressed, doing all I could to console my colicky child, and crying, a lot.
Oh, I had heard of mothers who loved being pregnant, how infancy was simply the most joyous time. Their child napped twice a day for three hours and slept through the night at six-weeks-old. Well, I wasn't buying it. I thought surely these mothers are faking it and their babies must be too. Then that glorious day came, when my child actually did sleep for five straight, uninterrupted hours. OK, so he was 12 months old and down to only one half-hour nap a day and running, climbing and bouncing everywhere since he was 10 months old. Still, I was elated; he most likely was just completely exhausted.
By the time I decided to donate my uterus to science, I discovered I was pregnant with my second child. Another boy (oh boy!). For the first two weeks after he was born, he was perfect. Yes, I had one of those children and I could be one of those mothers. But, the two weeks was short lived and I again was exhausted, depressed and crying a lot.
At the same time as all of this tiredness, sadness, and tears I was completely and totally in love with my boys. How was it possible these two little people could be the cause of such an emotional tug of war? I guess the answer can really never have the right words. Love is the only thing that comes close.
My vulnerability to every emotion know has increased dramatically. My heart crumbles in a moment if one of my boys comes off the school bus upset because someone said something to hurt his feelings. If one falls and bumps his head, my headache can last for days. I can apply Band-Aids, dole out plenty of hugs and kisses, even spray monster repellent under the bed at night. And when my boys are tucked safely in their beds (or mine) I secretly make a vow to insert very large pins in the voodoo doll of that kid on the bus while chanting, "Nobody messes with my child." But being too busy with hugs and kisses I have yet to make the voodoo doll but resolve to conceal the monster repellent in the backpack for school. There is nowhere to hide from this torrent of emotions that inundated you from every direction. How did this happen? I thought my heart had some protection, like Teflon, to which nothing could stick.
As a parent, this roller coaster ride will never end. The joyous highs and the heartbreaking lows are the affirmation of true, unconditional love. As a child this roll coaster will persistently push the limits in and attemp to defy gravity. Gravity is not something that should be messed with, but they will learn. And I will lovingly strap myself in for the thrill.
My boys are older now, Christian is 13 and Noah is 10. The physically demanding days of infancy are behind me. A mere blur of times of yore. The roller coaster ride now has steeper hills, deeper valleys and turns that spin me around so fast I'm often taken by surprise. There are wonderful memories I do keep tucked away in my heart and every so often I open up my heart and closely hold these treasured keepsakes.
Oh, I had heard of mothers who loved being pregnant, how infancy was simply the most joyous time. Their child napped twice a day for three hours and slept through the night at six-weeks-old. Well, I wasn't buying it. I thought surely these mothers are faking it and their babies must be too. Then that glorious day came, when my child actually did sleep for five straight, uninterrupted hours. OK, so he was 12 months old and down to only one half-hour nap a day and running, climbing and bouncing everywhere since he was 10 months old. Still, I was elated; he most likely was just completely exhausted.
By the time I decided to donate my uterus to science, I discovered I was pregnant with my second child. Another boy (oh boy!). For the first two weeks after he was born, he was perfect. Yes, I had one of those children and I could be one of those mothers. But, the two weeks was short lived and I again was exhausted, depressed and crying a lot.
At the same time as all of this tiredness, sadness, and tears I was completely and totally in love with my boys. How was it possible these two little people could be the cause of such an emotional tug of war? I guess the answer can really never have the right words. Love is the only thing that comes close.
My vulnerability to every emotion know has increased dramatically. My heart crumbles in a moment if one of my boys comes off the school bus upset because someone said something to hurt his feelings. If one falls and bumps his head, my headache can last for days. I can apply Band-Aids, dole out plenty of hugs and kisses, even spray monster repellent under the bed at night. And when my boys are tucked safely in their beds (or mine) I secretly make a vow to insert very large pins in the voodoo doll of that kid on the bus while chanting, "Nobody messes with my child." But being too busy with hugs and kisses I have yet to make the voodoo doll but resolve to conceal the monster repellent in the backpack for school. There is nowhere to hide from this torrent of emotions that inundated you from every direction. How did this happen? I thought my heart had some protection, like Teflon, to which nothing could stick.
As a parent, this roller coaster ride will never end. The joyous highs and the heartbreaking lows are the affirmation of true, unconditional love. As a child this roll coaster will persistently push the limits in and attemp to defy gravity. Gravity is not something that should be messed with, but they will learn. And I will lovingly strap myself in for the thrill.
My boys are older now, Christian is 13 and Noah is 10. The physically demanding days of infancy are behind me. A mere blur of times of yore. The roller coaster ride now has steeper hills, deeper valleys and turns that spin me around so fast I'm often taken by surprise. There are wonderful memories I do keep tucked away in my heart and every so often I open up my heart and closely hold these treasured keepsakes.
That was beautiful karen.I could not have said it any better.
ReplyDelete13 years ago i used to baby sit my friends daughter when she worked.id take her pony riding,or to great times amusement park.one day i recieved a call and my friend said she had to work and would i watch devin for her. i said im going to see peter frampton n lynyrd skynyrd at verizon music center that day i couldnt.well just as i hung up my other friend called and cancelled.so i had an extra ticket now.i ended up takin the lil girl to the show.she was 4 at the time.hahaha it was an outside venue,as much as i tried gettin her into the music she just wanted to walk around.we were there for apr.1 hour.today shes 17. and im still great friends with them.we joke often about that concert.awesome!
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