Prince Charming?
I have realized that men and women are quite different. Besides the anatomical diversity, and that men only own two pairs of shoes (from the 80s) and the most obvious being that women have no desire to play air guitar while lip-syncing to Black Sabbath.
This isn’t a recent revelation. I have known this since I was in grade school when Eddie Kumpitsch hung upside down from the jungle gym screaming out the words of “Jeremiah was a Bull Frog” swinging back and forth like a pendulum as his face turned the color of a turnip.
While Jeremiah was a good friend of his, I wasn’t and wanted Jeremiah to come and take Eddie back to the swamp he obviously crawled out of. There they could eat flies, or maybe turnips, and croak for all I cared.
Men and women are wired differently. Women use their brain cells to plan things. We plan for everything…pregnancies, birthday parties, graduation parties, sleepovers and natural disasters, which often are the same thing. But we are prepared for that.
Men use their brain cells for target practice with the contents of shot glasses and perfecting their talents with air guitar. Men have unplanned pregnancies and then seek out women lawyers who plan for them to pay child support. He may say, “I didn’t plan for this…I was going to be a rock star.” Which is the reason why they have an air guitar and no money to buy a real one. Ms. Lawyer will then say, “The only rock is the one between your ears and you’ll be seeing stars when my bill slaps you upside it.”
I know it may seem as though I am being a bit harsh…it’s because I am. Here’s why. I have not one but two of these male types that were the result of planned pregnancies. Now, I’m just trying to plan for their futures. I have invested a lot of time into trying to make them think more like me and less like Eddie Kumpitsch. I want them to play the stock market, not air guitar. I want them not to lip-sync when I’m reprimanding them for throwing the rock that has fallen out of their father’s head.
They will grow into the prince I know they can be it’s just going to take a well planned kiss from a woman who isn’t afraid of frogs.
This isn’t a recent revelation. I have known this since I was in grade school when Eddie Kumpitsch hung upside down from the jungle gym screaming out the words of “Jeremiah was a Bull Frog” swinging back and forth like a pendulum as his face turned the color of a turnip.
While Jeremiah was a good friend of his, I wasn’t and wanted Jeremiah to come and take Eddie back to the swamp he obviously crawled out of. There they could eat flies, or maybe turnips, and croak for all I cared.
Men and women are wired differently. Women use their brain cells to plan things. We plan for everything…pregnancies, birthday parties, graduation parties, sleepovers and natural disasters, which often are the same thing. But we are prepared for that.
Men use their brain cells for target practice with the contents of shot glasses and perfecting their talents with air guitar. Men have unplanned pregnancies and then seek out women lawyers who plan for them to pay child support. He may say, “I didn’t plan for this…I was going to be a rock star.” Which is the reason why they have an air guitar and no money to buy a real one. Ms. Lawyer will then say, “The only rock is the one between your ears and you’ll be seeing stars when my bill slaps you upside it.”
I know it may seem as though I am being a bit harsh…it’s because I am. Here’s why. I have not one but two of these male types that were the result of planned pregnancies. Now, I’m just trying to plan for their futures. I have invested a lot of time into trying to make them think more like me and less like Eddie Kumpitsch. I want them to play the stock market, not air guitar. I want them not to lip-sync when I’m reprimanding them for throwing the rock that has fallen out of their father’s head.
They will grow into the prince I know they can be it’s just going to take a well planned kiss from a woman who isn’t afraid of frogs.
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