Proper Attire Required
“What are you doing? Research?” my mate asked while I stood staring into the fridge, in my raincoat and clutching my favorite spatula. He was familiar with the get-up; he’d seen it before…once, maybe twice. He wanted no part of this cleaning spree.
“Want to help?” I inquired.
“I have to mow the lawn.”
“It’s snowing.”
“Dad, do we have any milk in there?” asked Christian, my teenager.
My husband handed him the carton. “That’s not milk, that’s yogurt.” Christian looked at me… I pretended to adjust my swim goggles.
“Unless you want to stay and help…” I said handing the remote, which was behind what might have been lettuce, to Noah. “Put this back where it belongs.”
“Where does it go, in the freezer?”
While I clean the fridge, its contents often distract me and I also tend to gag a lot. Anything that hasn’t left on its own – I make a mental note to increase its rent. Anything with an expiration dating back to Nixon’s term gets discarded. Everything else gets scrutinized – that’s part of the distraction element.
A recent fact-finding inquest on my fridge prompted me to pull food things from their hibernation. Mostly, I just toss anything shriveled, hairy, or what might elicit a reaction from me…like, gagging. The labels not smeared with the container’s contents, I began to read.
The label on a can of juice claimed to be made from veggies. I wasn’t sure if this was an advertising ploy or a whole lot of polygamy within the plant produce. Here they boasted to provide vegetable juices from three of the major color groups. I had heard of food being important in the food pyramid, but colors?
Color groups are for art class and Martha Stewart. The last time I finger painted and mixed those colors together, it was brown and looked like nothing I wanted to frame, let alone drink. Also, these clever manufactures can extract juice from carrots and parsley. How much juice could possibly be in a parsley flake. Another mental note to contact Martha and inquire about the juicing of parsley flakes.
However, I did felt compelled to keep anything containing antioxidants. These little milligram molecules I assumed would counteract any corrosion. Quite beneficial as possibly our long awaited answer to bad politics, discipline problems in the classroom and prison wardens. Yes, we need this! Scientists believe these antioxidants ‘maintain cell integrity by neutralizing free radicals’. I have now taken to steeping tea bags in my children’s bath water.
Right about the time that I was finishing up with my research, my mate, in a rush for the door, obliviously, on his way out to mow the snow, asked me if I had seen his keys.
“Well, they’re not in the fridge.”
“Want to help?” I inquired.
“I have to mow the lawn.”
“It’s snowing.”
“Dad, do we have any milk in there?” asked Christian, my teenager.
My husband handed him the carton. “That’s not milk, that’s yogurt.” Christian looked at me… I pretended to adjust my swim goggles.
“Unless you want to stay and help…” I said handing the remote, which was behind what might have been lettuce, to Noah. “Put this back where it belongs.”
“Where does it go, in the freezer?”
While I clean the fridge, its contents often distract me and I also tend to gag a lot. Anything that hasn’t left on its own – I make a mental note to increase its rent. Anything with an expiration dating back to Nixon’s term gets discarded. Everything else gets scrutinized – that’s part of the distraction element.
A recent fact-finding inquest on my fridge prompted me to pull food things from their hibernation. Mostly, I just toss anything shriveled, hairy, or what might elicit a reaction from me…like, gagging. The labels not smeared with the container’s contents, I began to read.
The label on a can of juice claimed to be made from veggies. I wasn’t sure if this was an advertising ploy or a whole lot of polygamy within the plant produce. Here they boasted to provide vegetable juices from three of the major color groups. I had heard of food being important in the food pyramid, but colors?
Color groups are for art class and Martha Stewart. The last time I finger painted and mixed those colors together, it was brown and looked like nothing I wanted to frame, let alone drink. Also, these clever manufactures can extract juice from carrots and parsley. How much juice could possibly be in a parsley flake. Another mental note to contact Martha and inquire about the juicing of parsley flakes.
However, I did felt compelled to keep anything containing antioxidants. These little milligram molecules I assumed would counteract any corrosion. Quite beneficial as possibly our long awaited answer to bad politics, discipline problems in the classroom and prison wardens. Yes, we need this! Scientists believe these antioxidants ‘maintain cell integrity by neutralizing free radicals’. I have now taken to steeping tea bags in my children’s bath water.
Right about the time that I was finishing up with my research, my mate, in a rush for the door, obliviously, on his way out to mow the snow, asked me if I had seen his keys.
“Well, they’re not in the fridge.”
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